Discouraged.

Vivian had a big seizure yesterday around noon. It was the first episode I've witnessed since we came home from the hospital a month ago. It's discouraging to me because I've been tolerant of the negative side effects of the new medicine, believing it was really helping with the seizures. It has helped, no doubt, because we're seeing significantly fewer seizures than before, but I'd hoped that in exchange for the increased agitation, drowsiness and muscle weakness, we might be rid of the seizures. Unfortunately that doesn't appear to be the case.

Vivian's appetite has also disappeared. We've been through this before so I know a few strategies to combat it, but it's not fun. Vivian refuses all offers of even her most favorite foods, so I resort to feeding her while she's asleep. I combine Cream of Wheat with whipping cream and eggs and cook it. Then I alternate bites of that lovely concoction with spoonfuls of fruit and broccoli. Yuck, I know, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Amazingly, though, she will open her mouth on command and chew and swallow, all without seeming to awaken. She even tolerates my brushing her teeth afterward! Not ideal, but preferable to having bowls of food thrown at me when I offer them during waking hours. {sigh}

School starts on Monday. Please pray that Vivian's mood improves by then and that she climbs onto her bus willingly each morning. Otherwise I have to summon Will to help me retrieve Vivian from the bushes or the neighbor's yard and assist me in carrying her onto the bus. It's not pretty, but I think if I allow her not to get on the bus, I am rewarding the behavior, plus I may be late taking the other children to school if she similarly refuses to get into my car at that time. Also pray that being back in the school routine, Vivian will resume eating her favorite school lunch of a baked potato and grapes (and cake for dessert if she's been cooperative; she comes home and tells me proudly that she "learned" some cake on those days).

Sorry to vent, but thanks for listening. I so appreciate everyone's prayers and encouragement in regard to Vivian.